Ever held a grudge so long it started holding you?

Grudges

Have you ever been so angry when someone does something you don’t like? Maybe you just can’t forgive that guy who made your space messy, or that girl who grabbed the last scoop of your favorite ice cream flavor. Grudges are sticky—they cling to us like bubblegum and can be really hard to peel off.

The thing is, those heavy feelings take up so much space in our bodies and our minds that sometimes, there’s no room left for the good stuff—peace, gratitude, joy, and connection.

This week was Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. It’s a time for reflection, forgiveness, and fresh starts. It’s about releasing the past, seeking reconciliation, and healing relationships—including the one you have with yourself. Because let’s be honest: some of the deepest grudges we carry are against us.

My Story

I’ll be honest—I’m not immune to holding grudges.

A while back, I let a friend use my space. They didn’t clean up, left things messy, and didn’t show much gratitude. Instead of speaking up, I swallowed my frustration and told myself it wasn’t a big deal. But inside, I was simmering like a pot left on high.

Over time, that quiet resentment started leaking into other parts of my life. I found myself snapping at small things, carrying tension I couldn’t quite name. It wasn’t really about the mess anymore—it was about me not setting a boundary or speaking up for what I needed.

That experience taught me something big: grudges grow best in silence. And sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for yourself and others is to be honest early, before the resentment takes root.

Why We Hold On

Grudges can feel good at first. They’re like emotional bubble wrap—we keep popping them to remind ourselves we were right and they were wrong.

But underneath that satisfying snap, a grudge is rarely about the other person. It’s often about us trying to feel seen, safe, or validated after getting hurt. Somewhere along the way, it can even become part of our identity—“the person who got wronged.”

The problem? Grudges don’t actually heal anything. They just keep the wound fresh so we can keep checking it.

The real healing begins when we turn inward—acknowledge the pain, offer ourselves the compassion we wanted from them, and realize we don’t have to keep carrying that emotional backpack forever.

Letting go isn’t saying what happened was okay. It’s saying:
“I’d like my peace back now.”
“I’d like my free brain space.”

Grudges Are Teachers

I’ve started seeing grudges as emotional check-engine lights. They’re not bad… but rather, they’re signals. They’re telling us something deeper needs attention:

• A boundary we ignored

• A need we didn’t express

• A hurt we never processed

Instead of covering that light with duct tape and pretending we’re fine, we can pause and ask:
👉 What is this grudge trying to teach me?

Your Challenge This Week

Take a few minutes to reflect on a grudge—big or small—that you’ve been holding.

Step 1: Write it all out. The frustration, the hurt, every little detail. Don’t hold back—get it on paper.
Step 2: Thank the grudge for what it taught you. Maybe it showed you where to set a boundary, speak up, or practice self-compassion.
Step 3: Crumple the paper and toss it. Physically let it go.

Feel what it’s like to release that weight.

Because forgiveness isn’t about them.
It’s about freeing you.

“You’ll feel free… when you finally let it go.”

Self Talk Superhero

Adam Parker, school psychologist and musician, shares his newest song “Self-Talk Superhero.” This uplifting, Emo Mr. Rogers–style short encourages kids and adults alike to use positive self-talk and remind themselves that they are strong, capable, and resilient. Watch, sing along, and become your own self-talk superhero today!

What do you say to yourself when something is hard?

Do you hear, “I can do it”? Or does your mind slip into “I should just give up”? Maybe it’s “I’m strong and powerful!” … or sometimes, just “What if…?”

Self-talk—the words and tone we use with ourselves—matters more than we realize. It’s like a hidden soundtrack playing all day, guiding how we act, how we feel, and how we bounce back from challenges.

Everyday Superpowers

Think about your daily routine. You’ve already been a superhero today:

• You defeated the villain of the snooze button and got out of bed.

• You conquered the challenge of showing up—at school, at work, or at home—ready to tackle the day.

• You’ve already navigated social interactions, chores, and responsibilities.

Yet, most of us forget to give ourselves credit for these victories. We brush them off as “normal life,” but they’re proof that you’re capable, resilient, and stronger than you think.

Why Self-Talk Is So Important

Our brains are wired to hold onto negative thoughts more tightly than positive ones. It’s called the negativity bias. That’s why one unkind comment can echo in our minds longer than five compliments. When we pile on our own negative self-talk, it’s like handing the villain extra weapons.

Positive self-talk doesn’t mean ignoring struggles, it means reminding yourself that you’ve overcome hard things before and you can do it again. It builds confidence, reduces stress, and helps you recover more quickly from mistakes. In other words, it’s your superhero cape: invisible to others, but powerful enough to help you soar.

My Morning Practice

Lately, I’ve been trying to start my day with kind words in the mirror. For example:

“Ok Mr. Parker, it’s Monday. You are capable, you are fun, you get to connect with students today, and you’re good at it. Let’s go!”

It feels silly sometimes, but superheroes talk to themselves too. They remind themselves of their mission before heading into battle. Why shouldn’t we?

Try This: The Self-Talk Superhero Activity

1. Name Your Superhero Persona. Give yourself a fun title. (Maybe Captain Confidence or The Amazing Optimist.)

2. Write Your Catchphrase. Create one short, powerful line you can say when things get tough. (“I’ve got this.” “One step at a time.” “I’m stronger than I think.”)

3. Do the Mirror Test. Tomorrow morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say your catchphrase out loud. Notice how it feels.

4. Catch the Villain. When a negative thought sneaks in during the day, imagine it as the “villain” and replace it with your superhero line.

Final Reminder

Negative thoughts are sticky—they cling like gum to your shoes. But your superhero words are stronger. Every mistake is an opportunity to learn, every new situation a chance to try. You’ve been amazing all along, and your self-talk can remind you of that truth.

So, put on your invisible cape, call yourself by your superhero name, and go face the day.

Because you already are a self-talk superhero.

Finding Yourself in Alone Time

Adam Parker Colorado School Psychologist sings about taking time for yourself

I struggled with this week’s blog and which lens to write from. Do I write as Adam the school psychologist, sharing the lessons I see children practicing each week in schools? Or do I write as someone who also needs those same skills in his own life? Maybe the truth is that they intersect, because I am not only teaching these skills, I am practicing them too.

This week is all about alone time.

For adult me, that looks like getting in my car after work with the backseat filled with snacks, layered clothing, and my guitar, and heading straight for the mountains. For you, it might look like curling up in a hammock with headphones, burying your head in a good book, or walking through the park. The point is not where you are, it’s the act of stepping away from the things that demand your attention and rediscovering who you are when nobody is asking anything of you.

In a previous blog, I wrote about recharging. While alone time certainly recharges us, it also helps us find ourselves. Alone time gives our brains space to process all we take in during the day. When we are always surrounded by people, devices, and responsibilities, it’s easy to lose track of our own voice. Quiet moments give us clarity, lower our stress, and build resilience. Alone time is not about shutting the world out, it’s about strengthening yourself so you can show up better when you step back into it.

Growing up as an only child, my alone time was vast. I would sing and dance in the mirror, ride my bike to faraway lands (okay, really just the park two blocks away, but to me it felt like an epic adventure), and sit in my room drawing quirky characters with even quirkier backstories. That space gave me permission to be uniquely me, to get comfortable with my own oddness. And when we feel comfortable in our own skin, we grow. Who better to build that relationship with than the face you wake up to each morning?

Think about what you like to do when you’re taking space: long walks, zoning out to your favorite playlist, doodling in a notebook, building Legos, playing with your pet, or even lying in the grass staring at the sky. Try carving out time each week for one of those things. If it helps, schedule it, maybe every Friday from 3:00 to 3:30 is “hang out with myself” time. For some, it’s a solo weekend getaway; for others, it’s ten quiet minutes before bed.

Every big singer on stage, every teacher in front of a class, every player on the field, at some point, they built themselves up during quiet, unseen moments. Alone time is where confidence grows its roots. Build that confidence in the safety of your own space, and then carry it into the world.

Take the time. You are worth it.