When the Anger Hits: What’s Really Going On Beneath the Surface

The other night at basketball, I lost it.

Not in a “threw a chair and stormed off” kind of way — but in the quieter, more adult version of losing it. You know, the one where you stew in silence, mutter things under your breath, maybe even snap at a teammate.

My shots weren’t landing, I was playing sloppy defense, and worst of all, I knew better. I knew what I should’ve done differently, but that only made me angrier.

By the end of the game, I was exhausted — not from running, but from fighting myself. I wanted to throw the ball, curse the rim, and crawl into my hoodie.

What Anger Really Is

Anger is one of those emotions that feels like it’s about everyone else — the ref, the teammate, the traffic, the world. But if we pause long enough, we usually realize something uncomfortable: it’s rarely about them.

Anger is often a bodyguard for more vulnerable feelings — embarrassment, fear, shame, disappointment. It steps in when we feel exposed. It says, “I’ll take it from here,” and suddenly our body is flooded with adrenaline, our heart rate spikes, and logic takes a back seat.

It’s biology, not badness.

When we feel threatened (even emotionally), the amygdala in our brain activates our fight-or-flight system. Cortisol and adrenaline rush in. Muscles tense. Breathing shortens. It’s not evil — it’s protective. The problem is, sometimes that protection kicks in when we just missed a layup.

How to Catch It Before It Catches You

Breathe like you mean it.
Not the fake “I took a deep breath” kind. The real kind — in through your nose, out through your mouth, until your shoulders actually drop. Breathing tells your body the danger has passed.

Take space.
Literally move. Step off the court. Walk around the block. Wash your hands in cold water. Give your body a chance to cool before your brain comes back online.

Ask, “What am I really mad about?”
Spoiler: it’s usually not the missed shot or the bad pass. It’s the story underneath — “I should be better,” “I hate letting people down,” or “I don’t like feeling out of control.” Once you name that story, the anger loses its grip.

Talk to yourself like a teammate.
After my meltdown, I realized I’d been saying things to myself I’d never say to anyone else. “You’re terrible.” “You’re embarrassing.” Imagine if I said that to someone on my team. They’d walk off the court. So why do we think it’s okay to talk that way to ourselves?

Turning Anger Into Insight

Anger isn’t something to erase; it’s something to understand. It’s our mind’s way of saying, “Hey — something hurts.”

When we learn to listen instead of explode, we get to find out what hurts, and why.

That night, after cooling down, I realized I wasn’t angry about the game at all. I was angry because I cared. I wanted to play well. I wanted to feel competent. And when I didn’t, I turned that care into criticism.

Next week, I’ll probably still miss shots. I’ll probably still get frustrated. But I’m hoping I’ll breathe a little sooner, talk to myself a little kinder, and remember — the goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to stay curious, even when you’re mad.

Your Challenge This Week

Next time you feel your temperature rising — whether it’s in traffic, at work, or on the court — try this three-step reset:

1. Pause and breathe. Feel your feet on the ground.

2. Name what’s really under it. Is it frustration, fear, embarrassment, or pressure?

3. Choose curiosity over criticism. Ask yourself, “What is this moment trying to teach me?”

You might still feel mad — that’s okay. The goal isn’t to erase anger; it’s to turn it into awareness.

Because every flare-up is really just a reminder: you care deeply.
And that’s not something to be ashamed of.

The Gift of Getting It Wrong

We all make mistakes. It’s one of the few guarantees in life.
We say the wrong thing, misjudge a situation, take the long way when the shortcut was right there.

And yet, for something so universal, mistakes can feel heavy — like proof that we’re not as capable as we hoped.

But here’s the truth: mistakes don’t define who we are — they reveal who we’re becoming.
Every time we fall short, we’re handed an invitation to pause, reflect, and grow. It’s uncomfortable, sure, but it’s also where the real learning happens.

The Happy Accident That Changed the World

I once heard a story about a scientist named Alexander Fleming.
He was researching bacteria in the 1920s when he accidentally left one of his petri dishes uncovered. When he came back, he found that mold had grown on it — and the mold was killing the bacteria around it.

That “mistake” became penicillin, the first antibiotic, and went on to save millions of lives.

It’s a perfect reminder that sometimes the best things start with something going wrong.
A project that fails can spark a better idea.
A rejection can lead to the right opportunity.
Even a tough conversation can teach us empathy and honesty.

Lessons in Every Stumble

Mistakes don’t define us — they guide us.
They’re not proof that we’ve failed; they’re lessons waiting to be learned.

Every stumble shapes us into someone wiser, stronger, and more compassionate. When we stop fearing mistakes and start learning from them, we begin to see them for what they really are: opportunities to grow.

💡 This Week’s Challenge

Think back to a time you got something wrong — big or small.
Instead of replaying it, ask yourself:
👉 What did this teach me?
👉 What strength or insight came from that experience that I wouldn’t have gained otherwise?

Then give yourself credit for growing through it.
Because getting it wrong might just be how we start getting it right.

Take the Leap: The Power of Healthy Risk

When’s the last time you took a chance? Stepped out of your comfort zone and tried something you were afraid to do?

Have you ever just said yes to those plans? Jumped feet-first into a new hobby? Maybe you took a new route home, struck up a conversation with someone new, or finally shared something you’ve been creating in secret.

Healthy risk-taking is a powerful way to mix up our routines, add excitement when we’re feeling stuck, and open up our world. Growth doesn’t come from staying safe and comfortable — it comes from leaning into the unknown, even just a little.

Think about the people we admire most: innovators, artists, athletes, leaders. None of them got there by playing it safe. Oprah Winfrey was once told she wasn’t “fit for TV.” Instead of giving up, she leaned into what made her unique, empathy, curiosity, and authenticity and changed television forever. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team before becoming a legend. Steve Jobs famously said, “Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.”

Healthy risk doesn’t always guarantee success but it always guarantees movement. And movement is where growth lives.

When I was in high school, a teacher once told our class we could do whatever we wanted for our final project as long as we tried our best and connected with it.
“You could even write a song,” he said casually.

I remember thinking, Wait… I could make a song for school? That one small invitation changed the trajectory of my life.

The first lesson was realizing I could think outside the box and it would be okay, even if it didn’t go perfectly. The second was realizing I could connect my passions with my practice. Fast forward 18 years, and I’ve built a career intertwining music and psychology creating social-emotional songs and videos that teach kids about feelings, kindness, and confidence.

It all started with one small risk raising my hand and saying, “Okay, I’ll try something different.”

So, what’s your version of that?

Maybe you love drawing but have never tried ceramics, dip your toes in and see what happens. Maybe you love running but have always wanted to join a group race. Or maybe your healthy risk is emotional, reaching out to someone you’ve lost touch with, applying for that opportunity you’ve been overthinking, or sharing your creativity with others.

Your Challenge

This week, take one healthy risk, something that feels just outside your comfort zone but still safe enough to try. It might not go perfectly, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t success, it’s courage.

Write it down, reflect on how it felt, and remind yourself:
Growth doesn’t happen by standing still.

Pause, Reflect, and Be Grateful

Finding Gratitude in the Everyday

This morning, as I drove into work, I was completely taken aback by the mountains. The way the light shimmered across them like a movie screen, the fluffy pink clouds hovering just above, and the small patches of snow still clinging to their peaks—it all stopped me in my tracks.

It made me realize how often I take for granted the incredible things around us. Sometimes it’s the landscapes, sometimes it’s the simple comforts like heat, a warm bed, or food in the fridge. But more often, it’s the people—the ones who care for us, show kindness even when we forget to show it back, and stand by us simply because we’re part of each other’s lives.

What Is Gratitude and Why Does It Matter

Gratitude is the practice of noticing and appreciating the good that already exists. It shifts our focus from what’s missing to what’s present. Research shows that practicing gratitude improves mood, reduces stress, strengthens relationships, and even boosts physical health. It’s not about ignoring the hard stuff; it’s about balancing our view of the world so that joy doesn’t get lost in the noise.

Why We Forget to Show Gratitude

Life moves fast. Between to-do lists, routines, and stress, it’s easy to overlook the moments that deserve recognition. We assume people know how much they mean to us. We rush past small beauties—a smile, a sunrise, a quiet moment of comfort—because our minds are already on what’s next. Gratitude requires pause, presence, and a bit of humility.

Gratitude Activities for Kids and Adults

For Kids:
Try creating a Gratitude Garden. Give children a blank sheet of paper and have them draw a field of flowers. In each flower, they can write or draw something they’re grateful for—friends, family, pets, pizza, laughter, anything. The more flowers they add, the more colorful and beautiful the garden becomes. It’s a gentle reminder that our lives bloom with goodness when we notice it.

For Adults:
A simple gratitude journal works wonders. At the end of each day, take a few quiet minutes to write down three things you’re thankful for, no matter how small. A warm cup of coffee, a kind text, a laugh you didn’t expect. I write in mine nightly and it helps me reflect, reset, and remind myself of the good that unfolded in the middle of an ordinary day.

Pause and Reflect

Today, take a moment to slow down and notice the little things. The person who holds the door. A stranger who says good morning. A friendly wave from across the street. Then think about the bigger things—the friends who support you, the parents or mentors who helped you get where you are, the people who believed in you when you doubted yourself. And finally, give yourself a moment of gratitude too. You’ve come a long way, learned so much, and you keep showing up. That deserves a deep breath, a small smile, and a quiet thank you to yourself.

Gratitude doesn’t need to be grand or poetic; it just needs to be honest. The more we practice it, the more we start to see beauty everywhere: in the light on the mountains, the kindness of a friend, or the comfort of coming home at the end of a long day.

Unplugging: Finding Connection Beyond the Screen

On Saturday, I walked 28,900 steps, and the entire time, I was unplugged from my phone. Later that night, my phone reminded me of something shocking: my average screen time is 7 hours and 16 minutes a day. That’s nearly a full workday spent staring at a screen.

We’ve become so attached to our phones that they’re practically extensions of ourselves. Whether it’s mindless scrolling, catching up on the news, or sending memes and reels back and forth with friends, our screens often get in the way of real connection.

That day, as I walked those 28,000 steps alongside a friend, something clicked. This was connection—laughing together in real time, seeing their smile, hearing their tone, noticing the pauses and the jokes.

We walked through the zoo, watched skateboarders and bicyclists, heard children laughing and dogs barking, smelled freshly baked cookies, and even took our shoes off to feel the grass under our feet. For once, all five senses were fully engaged.

So often, we just coast. We set our minds on autopilot, get lost in routine, and wake up one day saying, “Where has the time gone?” or “It’s been years!” Much of that time has quietly disappeared into our screens, swallowed by the illusion of “staying connected” while we drift away from the world around us.

Why Our Phones Feel So Addictive

Our phones are built to capture and hold our attention. Every ping, notification, and scroll is carefully designed to give us small bursts of dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical.

When we see likes, messages, or breaking news, our brains light up just enough to keep us coming back. Over time, we start to crave those tiny hits of stimulation. But like any quick fix, they leave us feeling emptier in the long run—less grounded, less present, less fulfilled.

The more we chase digital connection, the more we risk losing the real thing.

Walking all day reminded me of a simpler time, a time when boredom wasn’t something to escape, but an invitation to explore. We didn’t need constant entertainment in our hands because the world itself was enough. The truth is, it still is.

The real world, full of smells, sounds, sights, and spontaneous conversations, is waiting for us to show up again.

After that long walk, I realized how much I’ve been burying myself in work and distractions, head down, missing the beauty right in front of me.

This Week’s Challenge

Try unplugging, even for a few hours.

• Spend time with a friend without checking your phone

• Go for a walk and engage all five senses—what do you see, smell, hear, feel, taste?

• Reconnect with the world and people around you in real life

Let’s practice being fully present, not just online, but right here, where life is actually happening.

Ever held a grudge so long it started holding you?

Grudges

Have you ever been so angry when someone does something you don’t like? Maybe you just can’t forgive that guy who made your space messy, or that girl who grabbed the last scoop of your favorite ice cream flavor. Grudges are sticky—they cling to us like bubblegum and can be really hard to peel off.

The thing is, those heavy feelings take up so much space in our bodies and our minds that sometimes, there’s no room left for the good stuff—peace, gratitude, joy, and connection.

This week was Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. It’s a time for reflection, forgiveness, and fresh starts. It’s about releasing the past, seeking reconciliation, and healing relationships—including the one you have with yourself. Because let’s be honest: some of the deepest grudges we carry are against us.

My Story

I’ll be honest—I’m not immune to holding grudges.

A while back, I let a friend use my space. They didn’t clean up, left things messy, and didn’t show much gratitude. Instead of speaking up, I swallowed my frustration and told myself it wasn’t a big deal. But inside, I was simmering like a pot left on high.

Over time, that quiet resentment started leaking into other parts of my life. I found myself snapping at small things, carrying tension I couldn’t quite name. It wasn’t really about the mess anymore—it was about me not setting a boundary or speaking up for what I needed.

That experience taught me something big: grudges grow best in silence. And sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for yourself and others is to be honest early, before the resentment takes root.

Why We Hold On

Grudges can feel good at first. They’re like emotional bubble wrap—we keep popping them to remind ourselves we were right and they were wrong.

But underneath that satisfying snap, a grudge is rarely about the other person. It’s often about us trying to feel seen, safe, or validated after getting hurt. Somewhere along the way, it can even become part of our identity—“the person who got wronged.”

The problem? Grudges don’t actually heal anything. They just keep the wound fresh so we can keep checking it.

The real healing begins when we turn inward—acknowledge the pain, offer ourselves the compassion we wanted from them, and realize we don’t have to keep carrying that emotional backpack forever.

Letting go isn’t saying what happened was okay. It’s saying:
“I’d like my peace back now.”
“I’d like my free brain space.”

Grudges Are Teachers

I’ve started seeing grudges as emotional check-engine lights. They’re not bad… but rather, they’re signals. They’re telling us something deeper needs attention:

• A boundary we ignored

• A need we didn’t express

• A hurt we never processed

Instead of covering that light with duct tape and pretending we’re fine, we can pause and ask:
👉 What is this grudge trying to teach me?

Your Challenge This Week

Take a few minutes to reflect on a grudge—big or small—that you’ve been holding.

Step 1: Write it all out. The frustration, the hurt, every little detail. Don’t hold back—get it on paper.
Step 2: Thank the grudge for what it taught you. Maybe it showed you where to set a boundary, speak up, or practice self-compassion.
Step 3: Crumple the paper and toss it. Physically let it go.

Feel what it’s like to release that weight.

Because forgiveness isn’t about them.
It’s about freeing you.

“You’ll feel free… when you finally let it go.”

The Power of Helping

🎶 The Helping Song 🎶
This fun and uplifting kids’ song reminds us that helping is kind, helping is strong, and helping is how we all belong. Whether it’s holding the door, checking in on a friend, or lending a hand, helping makes our classrooms, families, and communities brighter.

Watch and sing along to spread kindness and positivity today!

As I walk home through a rainstorm, I find myself wondering what “helping” really means. Is it holding the door for someone with their hands full? Checking in on a friend just to see how they’re doing? Saying “thank you” when someone asks how you are? Helping can be all of these things and more.

Sometimes it’s as simple as a text message or a phone call. Other times, it’s devoting an afternoon to help a friend move into a new apartment, knowing your only reward will be a sore back and a slice of pizza. At its core, helping is about showing up for others—friends, strangers, and anyone who needs it.

Why Helping Matters

When we help, we’re not just making someone else’s day easier. We’re building stronger connections and healthier communities. Helping is contagious—it inspires others to step up too. A small act of kindness can ripple outward, making our classrooms, neighborhoods, and families more supportive and joyful places.

Helping in Education

Education is often called a “helping profession.” Teachers, psychologists, social workers, and principals devote their time and energy to guiding young minds forward. Much of our work is about teaching lessons we’ve already learned ourselves—sometimes through mistakes, sometimes through textbooks and research, and often through life experience. Helping in education means listening, encouraging, and lifting others up.

But helping in education doesn’t just come from school staff—it also comes from parents. Parents are their children’s first helpers and role models, showing them what kindness and generosity look like long before they enter a classroom. Whether it’s supporting with homework, modeling respect for others, or encouraging their child to be a good friend, parents play a huge role in building a culture of helping that extends into schools and communities.

Everyday Acts of Help

Helping doesn’t always look heroic. Sometimes it’s picking up trash at the park. Sometimes it’s walking with a friend through the rain just to listen. Sometimes it’s being the sounding board someone else needs in a tough moment.

A Challenge

Find one way to help today. Maybe that’s sitting with someone at lunch who looks alone, picking up trash in the hallway, or telling a classmate “good job” after a presentation. Maybe it’s helping your younger sibling with homework or simply saying “thank you” when someone shows you kindness.

Helping doesn’t have to be big….it just has to be real. And the more we help, the more we create classrooms and schools where everyone feels like they belong.

Self Talk Superhero

Adam Parker, school psychologist and musician, shares his newest song “Self-Talk Superhero.” This uplifting, Emo Mr. Rogers–style short encourages kids and adults alike to use positive self-talk and remind themselves that they are strong, capable, and resilient. Watch, sing along, and become your own self-talk superhero today!

What do you say to yourself when something is hard?

Do you hear, “I can do it”? Or does your mind slip into “I should just give up”? Maybe it’s “I’m strong and powerful!” … or sometimes, just “What if…?”

Self-talk—the words and tone we use with ourselves—matters more than we realize. It’s like a hidden soundtrack playing all day, guiding how we act, how we feel, and how we bounce back from challenges.

Everyday Superpowers

Think about your daily routine. You’ve already been a superhero today:

• You defeated the villain of the snooze button and got out of bed.

• You conquered the challenge of showing up—at school, at work, or at home—ready to tackle the day.

• You’ve already navigated social interactions, chores, and responsibilities.

Yet, most of us forget to give ourselves credit for these victories. We brush them off as “normal life,” but they’re proof that you’re capable, resilient, and stronger than you think.

Why Self-Talk Is So Important

Our brains are wired to hold onto negative thoughts more tightly than positive ones. It’s called the negativity bias. That’s why one unkind comment can echo in our minds longer than five compliments. When we pile on our own negative self-talk, it’s like handing the villain extra weapons.

Positive self-talk doesn’t mean ignoring struggles, it means reminding yourself that you’ve overcome hard things before and you can do it again. It builds confidence, reduces stress, and helps you recover more quickly from mistakes. In other words, it’s your superhero cape: invisible to others, but powerful enough to help you soar.

My Morning Practice

Lately, I’ve been trying to start my day with kind words in the mirror. For example:

“Ok Mr. Parker, it’s Monday. You are capable, you are fun, you get to connect with students today, and you’re good at it. Let’s go!”

It feels silly sometimes, but superheroes talk to themselves too. They remind themselves of their mission before heading into battle. Why shouldn’t we?

Try This: The Self-Talk Superhero Activity

1. Name Your Superhero Persona. Give yourself a fun title. (Maybe Captain Confidence or The Amazing Optimist.)

2. Write Your Catchphrase. Create one short, powerful line you can say when things get tough. (“I’ve got this.” “One step at a time.” “I’m stronger than I think.”)

3. Do the Mirror Test. Tomorrow morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say your catchphrase out loud. Notice how it feels.

4. Catch the Villain. When a negative thought sneaks in during the day, imagine it as the “villain” and replace it with your superhero line.

Final Reminder

Negative thoughts are sticky—they cling like gum to your shoes. But your superhero words are stronger. Every mistake is an opportunity to learn, every new situation a chance to try. You’ve been amazing all along, and your self-talk can remind you of that truth.

So, put on your invisible cape, call yourself by your superhero name, and go face the day.

Because you already are a self-talk superhero.

Finding Yourself in Alone Time

Adam Parker Colorado School Psychologist sings about taking time for yourself

I struggled with this week’s blog and which lens to write from. Do I write as Adam the school psychologist, sharing the lessons I see children practicing each week in schools? Or do I write as someone who also needs those same skills in his own life? Maybe the truth is that they intersect, because I am not only teaching these skills, I am practicing them too.

This week is all about alone time.

For adult me, that looks like getting in my car after work with the backseat filled with snacks, layered clothing, and my guitar, and heading straight for the mountains. For you, it might look like curling up in a hammock with headphones, burying your head in a good book, or walking through the park. The point is not where you are, it’s the act of stepping away from the things that demand your attention and rediscovering who you are when nobody is asking anything of you.

In a previous blog, I wrote about recharging. While alone time certainly recharges us, it also helps us find ourselves. Alone time gives our brains space to process all we take in during the day. When we are always surrounded by people, devices, and responsibilities, it’s easy to lose track of our own voice. Quiet moments give us clarity, lower our stress, and build resilience. Alone time is not about shutting the world out, it’s about strengthening yourself so you can show up better when you step back into it.

Growing up as an only child, my alone time was vast. I would sing and dance in the mirror, ride my bike to faraway lands (okay, really just the park two blocks away, but to me it felt like an epic adventure), and sit in my room drawing quirky characters with even quirkier backstories. That space gave me permission to be uniquely me, to get comfortable with my own oddness. And when we feel comfortable in our own skin, we grow. Who better to build that relationship with than the face you wake up to each morning?

Think about what you like to do when you’re taking space: long walks, zoning out to your favorite playlist, doodling in a notebook, building Legos, playing with your pet, or even lying in the grass staring at the sky. Try carving out time each week for one of those things. If it helps, schedule it, maybe every Friday from 3:00 to 3:30 is “hang out with myself” time. For some, it’s a solo weekend getaway; for others, it’s ten quiet minutes before bed.

Every big singer on stage, every teacher in front of a class, every player on the field, at some point, they built themselves up during quiet, unseen moments. Alone time is where confidence grows its roots. Build that confidence in the safety of your own space, and then carry it into the world.

Take the time. You are worth it.

The People We Surround Ourselves With

A long walk home through the alleys of Park Hill had me reflecting on something simple but powerful: who and what we choose to surround ourselves with. It is easy to get caught up in shiny distractions like expensive toys, dream vacations, or the approval of people who do not really value us. Sure, riding a jet ski from a yacht to a remote island sounds amazing. But at the end of the day, it is not things that sustain us. It is people.

Not just any people, either. The ones who make us feel seen and supported. The friends and family who show their love and care not only with their words but with consistent actions. When I think about who I want to spend my most precious currency, my time, with, a few qualities rise to the top.

Kindness
At the top of the list is kindness. True kindness is more than being nice to your friends; it is the way someone treats everyone. It is the thank you to the stranger who holds the door, the patience with a server who is overwhelmed, the ability to stay grounded when frustration could easily take over. Kindness is a lens that colors every interaction, big or small. And when you surround yourself with kind people, it changes the way you move through the world too.

Trustworthiness
We all need people we can trust with our truth. A trustworthy friend is someone who can hold space for your messy, vulnerable moments. They listen when you are low, they do not weaponize your words, and you know what you share stays safe with them. Trust creates a foundation of calm, because you do not have to second-guess where you stand or whether your heart is safe in their presence.

Pride and Support
A good friend is not just present when you are succeeding; they are there when you are stumbling too. They celebrate your wins, but they also remind you of your worth when you doubt yourself. They believe in you even when you cannot quite believe in yourself. They do not just say they are proud of you; they show it by lifting you up, encouraging you through your fears, and reminding you of the truth you sometimes forget: you are capable, you are valuable, and you are enough.

Extra Advice: Choosing Your Circle
As I have thought about this week, I keep coming back to the idea that we root ourselves in the people we let closest. So, ask yourself:

• Do the people in my life reflect the values I want to live by?

• Do they leave me feeling lighter, stronger, more hopeful, or drained and small?

• Would I be proud if I treated others the way they treat me?

We cannot always choose every person in our orbit, but we can choose who we invest deeply in. Protect your time and energy. Spend them on people who add to your life rather than take from it.

And maybe, most importantly, work on being that person for others. Be the friend who is kind, trustworthy, and genuinely proud of those around you. Because the more we show up with love, the more it ripples back into our own lives.

People are the roots. Choose wisely who you let keep you grounded, and who you let grow alongside you.

Just Be Kind (to Yourself)

As the first two weeks of school wrap up, I find myself sitting in the backyard with a plate of chai pancakes, listening to birds, and reflecting on what this new year has already brought. Some things feel familiar: the energizing laughter of kids, the simple joy of Wednesday pizza, and that sneaky little voice whispering, “What if I’m not a good psychologist?”

Maybe you’ve heard a similar voice. Maybe I don’t connect with kids as well as I think. Maybe my lessons will be boring. What if I’m not enough? Those what ifs can creep in no matter who we are: professional athletes, CEOs, or school psychologists who happen to play in rock bands.

So where does this voice come from? Fear. Anxiety. That age-old feeling of not being “good enough.” Probably a mix of all the above. But here’s the thing: we always have a choice. We can let our fears rule our lives, robbing us of joy, or we can find ways to answer back.

Inner Coach vs. Inner Critic

Leah Kuypers, in Zones of Regulation, talks about the “inner critic” and the “inner coach.” The critic judges everything: Are you doing that right? Are you sure this will work? It probably won’t. The coach builds us up: You’ve got this. You are enough. Keep going.

The truth is, there will always be hard days. Mistakes will happen. A math problem will feel impossible. A lesson will flop. But each “failure” is actually an invitation to try again, to learn, to grow.

When my own inner Anton Ego (the food critic from Ratatouille) makes an appearance, I remind him of a few simple truths:

• I can do it.

• I am learning.

• I am growing.

• I don’t have to be perfect to make a difference.

• I bring value just by showing up.

Positive self-talk does not have to sound cheesy. It just has to be kind. Some days it is as simple as, “I did my best today, and that is enough.” Other days it is, “I can handle this one step at a time.”

The more we practice speaking kindly to ourselves, the more natural it becomes. And the more natural it becomes, the more our students, colleagues, and families see what resilience really looks like in action.

And maybe that is the bigger lesson. Kids do not need us to be flawless role models, they need us to be real. They need to see what it looks like to fall down and get back up, to face fears, and to coach ourselves through. When we practice positive self-talk out loud, we give our students permission to do the same.

So the next time that critic pipes up, try answering back. Put your inner coach on the mic. And remember the hook we all need to hear:

Just be kind.
In your own mind.

Quick Self-Talk Phrases to Try

• I can figure this out step by step.

• Mistakes help me learn and grow.

• I am stronger than I think.

• I don’t have to be perfect to be valuable.

• Today is a new chance to try again.

• I bring something unique to the table.

• I am enough, just as I am.

"You Charge Your Phone. Do You Charge Yourself?"

Summer Blog: On Recharging

As I pensively stare out into a giant park, finishing my third pastry of the very early morning, I can’t help but reflect on what recharging truly means.

For some, recharging means finally tackling that never-ending to-do list: cleaning, house projects, and appointments we’ve been putting off. For others, it’s spending as much time at the pool as our skin can handle and racking up as many pruney fingers as possible.

Some people recharge by stepping out of their comfort zone, whether it's trying a new restaurant, exploring a new trail, or venturing into a different part of the world.

Recharging can (and should) look different for everyone.
Time with friends. Time with family. And, equally important, though often forgotten, time with ourselves.

Recharging Around the World

I’ve been lucky enough to spend my summers traveling and watching people recharge in different places.

I’ve seen:

• Laughter shared on patios, in bars, and walking through parks in the golden light of evening.

• Quiet moments of journaling, where thoughts are sorted like courtroom debates and every inner argument is settled.

• Books devoured in bed, entire shows binged, and takeout ordered three times a day with zero shame.

We’re so attached to our phones that they need to be recharged once or twice a day. Yet we often forget to do the same for ourselves.

Why Is Recharging Important?

As someone who hates sitting still, I ask myself this all the time.

I’ll say things like, “I don’t need rest. I just need to play more sports, take on more projects, hang out with more friends, and go to more concerts.”
I try to convince myself that staying busy means I’m energized. But here’s the truth:

Recharging often means facing the discomfort we work hard to avoid.

We live in a world that glorifies productivity. Everyone wants to be doing the most, showing off the best version of their life, and documenting it all online. But that mindset often comes at the cost of actual rest.

While I was in Denmark, I came across the idea of hygge. It's the concept of cozy contentment. Just relaxing, kicking back, and enjoying the moment.
At first, it feels strange. Like you're being lazy. Like you're not accomplishing enough.
But not letting yourself rest is like getting mad at your phone for not working when you haven’t plugged it in.

What Does Recharging Look Like for You?

There’s no single answer. And that’s the point.

Maybe it’s:

• Baking alone with music playing in the background

• Melting into the couch with your comfort show

• Scrolling (not ideal, but let’s be real, sometimes it helps... in moderation)

• Stepping into nature, far from sirens, traffic, and notifications

• Laughing with your people until your stomach hurts

The answer is probably a mix of all these things.

So make time.
For yourself.
For your people.

If You’re Wrapping Up Summer or Just a Weekend

If you’re an educator and summer break is winding down, or if it’s simply Sunday night and the weekend is almost over, here’s your reminder to recharge.

Try one or two of these:

• Sit outside with a cup of coffee or a book

• Call a friend just to talk

• Go for a walk without your phone

• Do something small and pointless, just because it makes you smile

• Let yourself rest

You’re human. You’re not a machine.
You don’t have to earn rest.
You just have to take it.

Why School Counselors are Vital for a Happy, Healthy School

February 1 through 5th, we celebrate National School Counselors Week. Whether your learning environment is remote, in person, or hybrid, there are many important social-emotional skills and tools counselors can provide to support the mental and emotional wellbeing of students.

What is a School Counselor and What Do They Do?

School counselors do a huge amount of work regarding social and mental health, working closely with families, communities, and students. They are available for daily check-ins, helping partner families with support and resources, and provide guidance for the future including help with college and helping students set positive and healthy goals.

School counselors practice in all areas of education and are an extremely important piece at each level.

• Elementary school: A school counselor might be running social-emotional groups, teaching students about feelings and emotional regulation, and helping families get the resources they need, (food, clothing, help with utilities, and rent).

• Middle school: Counselors are helping students navigate the academic and physical changes they are going through. How do I pick the best classes? What is happening to my body?! School Counselors have all the answers to the toughest questions. Middle school is a time of immense changes and counselors are there to support and guide students through a challenging time.

• High school: During high school, students are growing from a brand new freshman to a senior, applying for college, heading to the workforce, or leaping into whatever life after school has for them. Counselors are heavily involved in the transition into independence and helping students manage all the stressors of getting older.

Here’s a YouTube video talking about CHANGE, which counselors are always helping with:

All in for Students

This year's National School Counselors Week theme is “All in for Students,” and it speaks to how involved counselors are in students' lives. Counselors spend their days helping students succeed in school and in life and they are always ALL IN for their students.

In a school year filled with negative news, protests, riots, sickness, death, and a never-ending tunnel with the light always seeming a bit out of reach, counselors provide the flashlight to help us make it out on the other side.

You may notice your students or children have been feeling isolated and sad, or nervous and frustrated. All of these feelings are normal right now and counselors can help navigate the negative and search for positives.

Changing our thinking and focusing on what is going well can be the first step. Maybe this isolation has given you time to practice something, or connect with old friends. Perhaps you realized there were some things you could cut out of your life that now save you money and stress. Even though it is hard to get out of our negative thought patterns, counselors are great at helping us see a different perspective.

If you notice your child is struggling with getting organized, staying on task, or is experiencing sadness, anger, or anxiety, reach out to your school counselor for support.

In the words of Dr. Suess, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because in the end those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.” Counselors give us an outlet to speak about our feelings and provide the safe space needed to grow.

A Counseling Tale

Throughout Covid-19, feelings have been all over the place. Some students are frustrated that they can’t see their friends, some are happy they get to sleep in, and some are nervous of what could happen next.

In August, I started a Mental Health Talk Show to help students understand these feelings were perfectly normal and everyone was feeling them. One episode was around the topic of anxiety and featured local Meteorologist Kylie Bearse. She talked about her anxiety, how she’s learned to cope, and some great strategies for handling overwhelming feelings.

The response from the students at my school was wonderful. So many who had been struggling with anxiety heard Kylie’s ideas and used them, taking them as a jumping-off point for their own coping skills. A few students came up to talk about how amazed they were that someone who experiences anxiety, just like them, was able to be on TV!

Mental health professionals in the school provide students many resources. Often times, those resources are simply connections with others who have faced the same sort of challenges, and have been able to overcome them.

Make sure to celebrate your school counselors, and all the important work they do, this week!

How to Maintain Mental Health While Distance Learning

The classroom full of laughter, joking and group time on the carpet has been replaced with news in the background, too many people in the house, and the voices of Zoom, FacetTime and Skype. The question that arises is how do we keep our mental health in a good place during such a time of uncertainty? Below are some ideas to help stay connected socially while we are physically distanced.

Staying Connected

While we are isolated in our homes, we still have the ability to connect with our peers, friends and co-workers through video calls like Facetime, Skype, and Zoom. While being on the playground isn’t a reality right now, card games, virtually seeing each other, and playing video games together are still possible. For children, being able to connect with their peers is going to be extremely important during this time, and thanks to the Internet they will be able to do this. You can brainstorm some topics and questions with your child that might help them connect with their friends over the phone. Ask things like, “What are five things you’ve been able to do during your time at home?” or, “Have you played any fun games with your family lately?”

For adults, carving out time to video call with friends will be important for your social and mental health as well. Being able to video call with friends, family members, and colleagues is a nice luxury to have in a time of isolation like this. You’re still able to have a Friday night happy hour, make a cheese board, and talk about your dish while connecting with friends. When we think about what our previous social time looked like, it is possible to recreate many of those things with our phone propped up or the camera on our laptop facing us.

Creating a Schedule

Even though the day doesn’t look like it used to right now, getting into a routine is still important. It is important to wake up when you normally would, take a shower, eat breakfast, and then start on pre-planned blocks you’ve created for yourself. Maybe a few days a week the dress code at home is pajamas and that’s ok, but make sure you have some structure around your day. A quick and easy schedule for students might look like this:

• 9 a.m. — Wake up, shower and eat breakfast

• 10 a.m. — Exercise (could be a walk or some dancing)

• 11 a.m. — Academics

• 12 p.m. — Lunch

• 12:30 p.m. — Chores

• 1 p.m.— Quiet Time (Puzzles, reading, relaxing)

• 2 p.m. — Academics

• 3 p.m. — Outside time

• 5 p.m. — Dinner

• 6- p.m. — Free time

The idea is to follow some sort of routine that adds structure and allows your children to get the most out of their day. The same structure can be used for parents — knowing that you still have a routine will help make your days more productive and keep you from spending the entire day watching TV shows.

Exercise

There is quite a bit of research on how positive exercise is for our mental health. Overcoming the hurdle to start exercise can be tough, but afterwards, we are always left feeling better. Exercise can be walking around your block, riding a bike, or doing a workout class on your phone or TV. Even though gyms are not open, there still many activities that can get our endorphins flowing and help us to stay healthy and happy.

Limit Your Intake of Social Media and News

Being at home and being so dependent on our devices for our connection to the outside world can be a wonderful tool, but there are adverse effects to relying too much on our technology. Balance will be crucial for parents and kids around their social media intake. The news is filled with upsetting numbers about the crisis. Trying to limit the amount of news you listen to as much as possible will open up more time to be productive.

Staying Positive

It is important to remember that this isn’t what we’re used to and it’s ok to feel angry, scared, mad, nervous or any range of feelings. We are all learning as we go and remembering to maintain healthy habits will assist in our ability to stay mentally healthy. Will there be some days where you just want to eat ice cream, wear pajamas, and not shower? Sure, but making sure we don’t make that a habit will be what keeps us happy and productive. Remembering that our friends and support are still just a phone call away is also important. If you or your child is feeling any negative feelings, have a list of people you can confide in.

Enjoy This Gift of Time

There is a lot of time in the day. The extra gifts of not commuting, not being in meetings, and getting to roll out of bed and right into your office should not be taken for granted.

Enjoy the ability to spend more time with your family, learn how to draw a cartoon character, or pick up an instrument.

There are so many things that we can try now that we are “stuck in our homes” and making the most of it will be something we look back on and will be grateful for.

You’ve got this!