Ever held a grudge so long it started holding you?
Grudges
Have you ever been so angry when someone does something you don’t like? Maybe you just can’t forgive that guy who made your space messy, or that girl who grabbed the last scoop of your favorite ice cream flavor. Grudges are sticky—they cling to us like bubblegum and can be really hard to peel off.
The thing is, those heavy feelings take up so much space in our bodies and our minds that sometimes, there’s no room left for the good stuff—peace, gratitude, joy, and connection.
This week was Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. It’s a time for reflection, forgiveness, and fresh starts. It’s about releasing the past, seeking reconciliation, and healing relationships—including the one you have with yourself. Because let’s be honest: some of the deepest grudges we carry are against us.
My Story
I’ll be honest—I’m not immune to holding grudges.
A while back, I let a friend use my space. They didn’t clean up, left things messy, and didn’t show much gratitude. Instead of speaking up, I swallowed my frustration and told myself it wasn’t a big deal. But inside, I was simmering like a pot left on high.
Over time, that quiet resentment started leaking into other parts of my life. I found myself snapping at small things, carrying tension I couldn’t quite name. It wasn’t really about the mess anymore—it was about me not setting a boundary or speaking up for what I needed.
That experience taught me something big: grudges grow best in silence. And sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for yourself and others is to be honest early, before the resentment takes root.
Why We Hold On
Grudges can feel good at first. They’re like emotional bubble wrap—we keep popping them to remind ourselves we were right and they were wrong.
But underneath that satisfying snap, a grudge is rarely about the other person. It’s often about us trying to feel seen, safe, or validated after getting hurt. Somewhere along the way, it can even become part of our identity—“the person who got wronged.”
The problem? Grudges don’t actually heal anything. They just keep the wound fresh so we can keep checking it.
The real healing begins when we turn inward—acknowledge the pain, offer ourselves the compassion we wanted from them, and realize we don’t have to keep carrying that emotional backpack forever.
Letting go isn’t saying what happened was okay. It’s saying:
“I’d like my peace back now.”
“I’d like my free brain space.”
Grudges Are Teachers
I’ve started seeing grudges as emotional check-engine lights. They’re not bad… but rather, they’re signals. They’re telling us something deeper needs attention:
A boundary we ignored
A need we didn’t express
A hurt we never processed
Instead of covering that light with duct tape and pretending we’re fine, we can pause and ask:
👉 What is this grudge trying to teach me?
Your Challenge This Week
Take a few minutes to reflect on a grudge—big or small—that you’ve been holding.
Step 1: Write it all out. The frustration, the hurt, every little detail. Don’t hold back—get it on paper.
Step 2: Thank the grudge for what it taught you. Maybe it showed you where to set a boundary, speak up, or practice self-compassion.
Step 3: Crumple the paper and toss it. Physically let it go.
Feel what it’s like to release that weight.
Because forgiveness isn’t about them.
It’s about freeing you.
“You’ll feel free… when you finally let it go.”