Getting Out of a Funk

I was in a funk the other day. Not like anything huge had happened, and I couldn’t really point to one specific thing that was wrong. I just felt off. I was in my head, kind of down, kind of irritated, and I knew I was there but couldn’t seem to shake it.

I think that’s one of the weird things about funks. Sometimes you know exactly why you’re in one. You had a bad day, something happened with a friend, school is stressful, work is stressful, you didn’t sleep, whatever. Other times it’s just this collection of little things that builds up until suddenly you don’t really feel like yourself.

For me, one of the first things I notice is that I start pulling inward. I think more. I talk less. Things that normally don’t bother me suddenly feel heavier. I can get stuck replaying the same stuff in my head, and even when I know that’s what I’m doing, it doesn’t always mean I can just stop.

So I tried some of the obvious stuff. I went for a walk. I drank some water. I tried getting out of the house and moving around a little bit. All good things, and probably things I needed to do anyway, but I was still kind of in it.

And I actually think that’s important. Sometimes we make coping skills sound like they’re supposed to immediately fix how you feel. Go for a walk and boom, better. Take some deep breaths and now everything is fine. That’s not really how it works. Sometimes the walk helps 5%. Sometimes drinking some water helps 2%. Sometimes you do all the healthy stuff and still feel crummy for a while.

Later, one of my older mentors stopped by. She could tell I wasn’t quite myself and said some really kind things to me. Nothing dramatic. She didn’t solve anything. She just knew me well enough to remind me of some things I probably needed to hear at that moment. Then I got a really great hug from her daughter, which definitely didn’t hurt.

That was probably the first time all day I felt myself come out of it a little bit.

I think there are two parts to getting out of a funk. The first is noticing that you’re in one. That sounds obvious, but it really isn’t. Sometimes you’ve been quieter, more annoyed, more tired, less interested in things, or spending way more time in your own head for a few days before you even realize what’s happening.

The second part is not expecting one thing to magically fix it. Maybe you need movement. Maybe you need food or sleep or water. Maybe you need to get off your phone. Maybe you need to do something you normally enjoy even if you don’t really feel like doing it. And sometimes you need another person.

That last one is probably the hardest because when I’m in a funk, reaching out is usually not the thing I want to do. I want to disappear into my own head and figure it out myself. But sometimes another person can see us a little more clearly than we can see ourselves in that moment.

So if you’re in a funk this week, maybe don’t make the goal “feel amazing.” Just notice it. Try one thing. Then another thing. Go for the walk. Drink the water. Get some sleep. Talk to somebody. Let someone be nice to you. Take the hug.

You don’t have to solve everything at once. Sometimes you just need to find the first little thing that helps you start feeling like yourself again.

Sunday Scaries: A Box of Assorted Feelings

As I head into year 14 as a school psychologist, and year 10 at the same school, I feel a little bit like one of those Valentine’s boxes of assorted chocolates.

Except instead of chocolates, it’s feelings.

I’m excited. Excited to meet new kids, reconnect with the ones I already know, try new things, and take on whatever challenges come my way.

I’m also nervous. Who wouldn’t be?

Even though I’ve been doing this for twice as many Super Bowls as Tom Brady has won, there’s still some self-doubt that sneaks in before the first day.

What if I mess up? What if my lessons aren’t good? What if I’m not as good at this as I used to be?

And underneath all of that, I’m happy to be back. I get to run around at recess, spend my days with some pretty amazing kids and coworkers, and be a sounding board when someone needs to talk about the hard stuff, or just whatever weird thing happened that day.

It’s a pretty full box of chocolates.

Where Did Summer Go?

Every year around this time, I do the same thing.

First, I grieve summer.

Where did it go? How is it already over? What did I even do?!

Then I actually stop and think about it.

Oh yeah.

I traveled. I spent time with friends and family. I played music. I had some great days. I had some hard days. I had moments I wish I could go back to and others I’m perfectly fine leaving behind.

Because summer doesn’t magically exempt us from being human.

Life still has its ups and downs whether we’re working or not. The difference is that summer can give us a little more room to move through them.

Then school starts again and suddenly the calendar fills up. The alarms come back. Our days become much more structured.

There’s something comforting about that. I know where I’m supposed to be. I know what my day generally looks like.

But structure doesn’t mean certainty.

There are still going to be surprises. There will be great days and days when absolutely nothing goes according to plan.

So instead of wishing summer could last forever, I’ve been thinking about a different question:

What parts of summer can I bring with me?

Bring Some of It With You

When life was less structured this summer, what actually helped?

For me, I made time for things I enjoyed. I got outside. I traveled. I played music. I spent time with people I care about. And sometimes I did absolutely nothing without trying to turn it into something productive.

Why do those things suddenly become optional when we’re busy?

We talk a lot about wanting to “be more present,” but that’s a pretty vague goal. So this year, I’m trying to make it more concrete.

• Keep something fun on the calendar. It doesn’t need to be a vacation. Give yourself something to look forward to.

• Get outside. Walk, run, sit in the grass, throw a ball around. Just get out of the building for a little while.

• Protect your people. Busy schedules have a funny way of pushing relationships to the bottom of the list.

• Let rest actually be rest. You don’t have to optimize every free second.

• Notice the good moments while they’re happening. Not six months later when you’re looking through pictures wishing you could go back.

The things that recharge us don’t need to disappear just because the calendar says August.

Another Sunday Scary

School is a lot of things.

It can be challenging, stressful and, yes, a little scary.

But that’s not the whole story.

School is seeing your friends again. It’s having adults in your life who care about you. It’s discovering something you’re good at. It’s learning something you didn’t know yesterday. It’s struggling with something, trying again, and realizing you can do hard things.

And maybe that’s what I need to remember heading into year 14.

I don’t need to have the entire year figured out on the first day.

Neither do you.

So as another summer ends and another school year begins, here’s this week’s Sunday Scary:

What is one thing from your summer that helped you feel like yourself, and how can you make sure you don’t lose it when life gets busy again?

Summer has to end.

The good parts don’t have to.