This past week, I was teaching some of my elementary school students about worries and anxiety. As we were talking, I realized that some of the things I was teaching them were probably things I needed to hear myself. It's funny how often that happens. We were discussing how our brains have this incredible ability to travel through time, and how that isn't always a good thing.
Sometimes our minds take us into the past. Remember when you embarrassed yourself? Remember when that conversation didn't go the way you wanted? Remember when you made that mistake? Other times, our minds launch us into the future. What if something goes wrong? What if I fail? What if things don't work out? What if something bad happens? Before we know it, we're spending so much time thinking about what already happened or what might happen that we're missing what's happening right in front of us.
I'm certainly guilty of this. I can replay conversations in my head, wondering if I should have said something differently, or spend an entire Sunday thinking about everything I need to accomplish on Monday. And sometimes those worries spiral into scenarios that probably aren't even going to happen. Our brains are pretty remarkable, but they can also be incredibly good at creating problems that don't actually exist yet. How many perfectly good moments have we missed worrying about moments that haven't happened?
One of the skills we practiced this week was grounding, which is really just a fancy way of saying we're bringing ourselves back to the present moment. One of my favorites is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. Take a moment to notice five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. It sounds almost too simple, but that's part of what makes it useful. Instead of trying to solve every worry or convince ourselves that everything will be okay, we're giving our brains something real to focus on. We're reminding ourselves that, at least in this moment, we can slow down and notice what's actually happening around us.
We also talked about something I think is especially important: the difference between worrying and problem-solving. Worrying often involves asking ourselves the same questions over and over without getting anywhere. Problem-solving involves identifying something we can actually do. If there's a problem we can address, great! Let's figure out one small step we can take. If there's nothing we can do about it right now, maybe the most helpful thing is to acknowledge the worry and give ourselves permission to put it down for a little while. That's easier said than done, of course, but like anything else, it takes practice.
And I think there's some hope in all of this. Our past doesn't have to define us, and our worries about the future aren't predictions. Just because we imagine something going wrong doesn't mean it will. We can't always control what happens next, but we can learn to have a little more trust in our ability to handle whatever comes our way. We've made it through difficult things before, we've learned from mistakes, and we've probably spent a whole lot of time worrying about things that turned out just fine.
So, as we head into another week, maybe we can practice spending a little less time in the land of remember when and what if, and a little more time appreciating right now. Take a walk, listen to some music, enjoy a conversation, or simply notice the world around you. There's nothing wrong with reflecting on the past or planning for the future, but we don't want to spend so much time visiting those places that we forget to enjoy where we are.
After all, yesterday is behind us, tomorrow isn't here yet, and there's still a whole lot of life happening today.
Happy Sunday, friends!