Just Be Kind (to Yourself)
As the first two weeks of school wrap up, I find myself sitting in the backyard with a plate of chai pancakes, listening to birds, and reflecting on what this new year has already brought. Some things feel familiar: the energizing laughter of kids, the simple joy of Wednesday pizza, and that sneaky little voice whispering, “What if I’m not a good psychologist?”
Maybe you’ve heard a similar voice. Maybe I don’t connect with kids as well as I think. Maybe my lessons will be boring. What if I’m not enough? Those what ifs can creep in no matter who we are: professional athletes, CEOs, or school psychologists who happen to play in rock bands.
So where does this voice come from? Fear. Anxiety. That age-old feeling of not being “good enough.” Probably a mix of all the above. But here’s the thing: we always have a choice. We can let our fears rule our lives, robbing us of joy, or we can find ways to answer back.
Inner Coach vs. Inner Critic
Leah Kuypers, in Zones of Regulation, talks about the “inner critic” and the “inner coach.” The critic judges everything: Are you doing that right? Are you sure this will work? It probably won’t. The coach builds us up: You’ve got this. You are enough. Keep going.
The truth is, there will always be hard days. Mistakes will happen. A math problem will feel impossible. A lesson will flop. But each “failure” is actually an invitation to try again, to learn, to grow.
When my own inner Anton Ego (the food critic from Ratatouille) makes an appearance, I remind him of a few simple truths:
I can do it.
I am learning.
I am growing.
I don’t have to be perfect to make a difference.
I bring value just by showing up.
Positive self-talk does not have to sound cheesy. It just has to be kind. Some days it is as simple as, “I did my best today, and that is enough.” Other days it is, “I can handle this one step at a time.”
The more we practice speaking kindly to ourselves, the more natural it becomes. And the more natural it becomes, the more our students, colleagues, and families see what resilience really looks like in action.
And maybe that is the bigger lesson. Kids do not need us to be flawless role models, they need us to be real. They need to see what it looks like to fall down and get back up, to face fears, and to coach ourselves through. When we practice positive self-talk out loud, we give our students permission to do the same.
So the next time that critic pipes up, try answering back. Put your inner coach on the mic. And remember the hook we all need to hear:
Just be kind.
In your own mind.
Quick Self-Talk Phrases to Try
I can figure this out step by step.
Mistakes help me learn and grow.
I am stronger than I think.
I don’t have to be perfect to be valuable.
Today is a new chance to try again.
I bring something unique to the table.
I am enough, just as I am.